Hang Up and Drive? Censor Your Tailgate!

Brainstorming Bumper Stickers

There was a point on this Friday, where I understood the meaning of Loverboy's 1981 hit, "Working for the Weekend". My work never ceases, the days and nights run together, weekends bring even more work than a weekday (excluding Sunday, my recharge day....for the most part). So, on this rainy day, as I scanned the puddles waving from fresh rain drops, I knew there was no baseball or softball on the afternoon agenda.

With the color weather radar mirroring a box of crayons throughout the midwest, it appeared as though Saturday would be a wash as well. So, Loverboy cranked up in my head, followed by Todd Rundgrens, "Bang the Drum All Day."

Always knowing that KFC gives me an awful stomach, even before I finish the meal, I still act like the kid that just has to put his hand on a hot stove, or the person that has to go sniff the rotten milk. KFC came, KFC stayed, and KFC made me feel like I ate the entire chicken coop.

The drive home was nothing out of the ordinary, only mindlessly listening to the radio, and I couldn't tell you a single song that came over the air. However, I do know that in flipping the channels for the 35-minute drive, I could almost guarantee you a Taylor Swift song entered my ears for a brief moment.

It wasn't until the very final leg of my drive home, the last two miles, as a matter of fact, that this would, in some strange way, become a memorable drive home. As I approached a white Toyota pickup truck, I noticed a copious amount of bumper stickers plastered to the tailgate and back window.

My Favorite Bumper Sticker
Living in rural Illinois, I've seen my fair share of big, loud pickup trucks. When I was attending Black Hawk East college, they were a dime a dozen. In speech class, we had to give a speech on something, the topic alludes my memory at this time. It may have been one of those speeches that I had nothing prepared, so I went the extemporaneous route. The topic was the bumper sticker, "Loud Pipes Save Lives". The speech, was more of an attempt at comedy, than actually carrying out the assignment. The only thing I remember, was that there were probably a half dozen guys offering up suggestions as to what it means, after my speech was over.

Staring right back at me, in the middle of the tailgate was, "Cell Phones Kill, Hang Up and Drive". At first, it seemed logical. Then, after scanning across the 22....yes, 22 bumper stickers (on the tailgate alone), I found the very bumper sticker that first stood out to me, to sound hypocritical. Here I am, counting the number of bumper stickers on this guy's tailgate, nearly rear-ending him. There were 7 bumper stickers on his back window, he had to have a little bit of window on his mural.

That's it, that was the memorable drive home. I feel like I just wrote a Seinfeld episode....a very, very bad Seinfeld episode.